I'm Terrible, I Know

I haven't updated in a while - mainly because life's been busy, I committed myself to a metric ton of work on my movie blog and Cat & Jen usually do a much better job than me of holding down the blogging fort so to speak.

We beat San Jose. Whoooo, that 4 OT game was exhausting but exhilarating, wasn't it?

Then the aftermath came. We found out Roenick wasn't going to retire (...sigh), we were reminded of what a jerkface Ron Wilson is and we discovered that yes, the Stars were on a roll.

And then tonight hit in Detroit and I just felt like all the air got sucked out of me.

Did the Stars need the win? Yeah, I think a good solid win in Joe Louis would've helped them out a lot, but I don't think it's something where they can't come back from it. The main problem is controlling the puck. Detroit does that very well and there were so many flubs on turnovers and attempting to regain the puck that I stopped counting.

Am I positive for the rest of the series? Yes - especially considering what the Stars have battled back from previously. Do I think Detroit's beatable? Absolutely - there are some definite weaknesses there that you can exploit, but bottom line is it really might actually come down to Turco versus Osgood, Lidstrom versus Zubov. (Russian always wins in my book, personally.)

Detroit's a very good team, but so is Dallas.

I know it's going to be a tight series but tonight...tonight I just need to wallow a bit and feel a little sad. Tonight was disappointing all the way around.

On a lighter note, here's some Russian-ness to make us all feel a little better:



"PC Load...what does that means?" It never gets old! Never!



And of course, the one, the only - Breezy. Does it get any better than this? Forget Giguere, fast forward to the 1:00 mark. Talking about Scrooge McDuck being rich, "it just duck" and "Darkwing Duck...he's a hero!" never fails to cheer me up.

I feel better already.

Stars Win!

How nice was that? They were jittery in the first, but came back to look much better in the second and third. I have hope, that's for damn sure.

It was a nice way to finish what was an inordinately stressful personal weekend, so I damn near cried at the sight of Sergei Zubov being his crazy, Russian self. I think that insane spin-o-rama lifted my spirits...a lot.

Well played, guys -- and a lot of the youngsters came through again. Two goal night for Hagman.

And how about that Brad Richards, huh?

Game Day: Stars at Coyotes 04/03/08

Ribeiro and Richards are out tonight; Holmqvist is in net. I need a good nickname for Holmqvist; I have no idea what kind of goofy nickname to give him.

I actually have a lot of faith in Holmqvist; you never know, he could surprise us!

I'm determined to remain positive about the game against the Coyotes this evening. They can pull it out; they just have to try.

Everyone is reporting that Russian had a procedure done "overseas" to aid in his recovery. Overseas? What the hell does that mean? Are we referring to Russian's Siberian bunker as "overseas"? Did the man go to Moscow for a little R&R?

Either way, I hope it helps and that he's holding up alright, poor dude. Crazy, type A personality Russians tend to not hold up well with this whole not-playing thing.

Also, I'm really worn out, so let's hope I don't fall asleep during the game tonight.

More thoughts after the game, assuming I'm still awake.

EDIT: Russian apparently went to Germany for surgery, or at least that's what Heika thinks. Patty over at Penalty Killing writes much better than I do, so check her post out. I say we take up a collection and send Russian a card and a fruit basket.

EDIT X2: I've changed the blog back to a normal color scheme. Russian's season is over, most likely, and I'm devastated about it. You don't have to know much about me to know that I love getting the opportunity to watch Sergei Zubov play hockey, and it breaks my heart that he has to watch the Stars from the sidelines, but Russian would say, "Caitlin, let's think about the team. And winning. And the Motherland," if he were here, I'm sure.

Well, I'm sure Russian would say, "What is all this about an alligator?" first, but that's besides the point. I wonder if they let the alligator on the plane to Germany with him?

The guys look like they've made a complete 180 as we head into the third period with goals scored by Happy Meals, Robi and Morrownator in the first two periods. God bless 'em all, especially little Robi, who's seriously working his little butt off.

Also, as an aside: Wayne Gretzky is slowly morphing into Barry Manilow. That grey suit just screams "A Night In Vegas With Barry: Now With Even More Copacabana!", Wayne.

EDITX3: 4-2 in favor of the Stars; Mo with the empty netter. Not perfect, but much better, and Holmqvist stunned me. Good job, kiddo.

Via Heika, I found this:

"After being operated with the “Minimal-Repair-Technique”, the patient can return home right after surgery, walk around normally and also, already lift weights up to 20 kg.

"‘Out of town' patients fly back the same evening. Businessmen/women can start to work the next day and athletes can start to train after 2 days. Footballers can play again after one week!"

Not to get anyone's hopes up...but you never know.

Congrats to everyone's teams who made it to the playoffs; if your team didn't, I genuinely am sorry. Right now it's shaping up to be the Stars versus the Ducks in the first series of the playoffs.

Grieving Prematurely

It doesn't look like the curmudgeonly Russian we all know and love will be coming back soon.

According to Heika:

I think Zubov's biggest problems are up in his girdle area. I'm not sure if that's the groin or if it's hangover from the sports hernia surgery he had in the summer, but it's a definite problem.

First of all, Mike, let's never use "Zubov" and "girdle" in the same sentence ever again. EVER. Oh, god, that sounds so wrong.

He's got foot issues and groin issues -- still -- and he probably won't be back this week. It looks like another delay.

He's already missed 30+ games! It's so weird to see the Stars skate still without him.

Heather did this over at Top Shelf, but I'm stealing her idea and setting the blog in black over my grief. (Heather, let me know if that's a problem, yo.) I probably wouldn't be all discombobulated over this normally, but I've had a fairly trying week so far.

I just want Russian back! Is that so much to ask?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put on The Hunt For Red October and curl up in bed. (Shut up, it's a good movie! With Russians! Okay, fake Russians!)

Almost Back, Now...

They're saying Thursday or Friday on his return.

Oh, yeah.

(Does anyone else feel the irony of the Discover logo and the sickle and hammer being on the same hockey card? Or is that just me?)

Words Fail Me

I have not much to say about this loss, Stars. Sure, we got a point, but you're not going to make it to the playoffs, much less a first round exit if you keep these shenanigans up.

So I'm going to hand out awards tonight. We're kicking it old-school, like we did in middle school when you got those glittery, macaroni encrusted paper plate awards.

First up, BRENDEN MORROW:

Good job, Brenden! A solid game and your 30th goal isn't bad at all. Congratulations, Mr. Morrow, you rock.


Matty Norstrom, please come to Russian Watch '08 headquarters to pick up your award. I saw that, Matty, I saw you nearly tip that puck past Turco even though you tried to hide from me by getting into some shoving match with some Shark player. You had a big hit, Matty, but you pushed me dangerously close to turning off the television period.


Here's one for me.

I don't think it's entirely fair to watch you guys blow a great season over whatever's going on behind the scenes. I don't pretend to know your ins and outs and I have no clue what's going on in your heads but I do know that I'm very worn out on sacrificing my time to watch these kinds of games.

I don't think that as a fan I should feel obligated to give you time out of my day if you can't at least show up to play. "Believe" is your team motto for the playoffs. Right now, the only thing I believe is that even if you're going to land in the playoffs, you're not earning much and team play does anything but indicate you deserve to go to the playoffs.

There's still time to turn it around, but the question is, can you turn it around?

Jen's trying to be positive, so I will be too: Russian is coming back soon, we readded Boucher to the lineup, and we got a point. Right now, I'm kind of way too excited for Russian to come back (can you tell?!) but Russian playing keeps me from being 100% exasperated, really.

Around the NHL

Sean Avery is a massive douchebag. Throwing water bottles like a two year old out of the penalty box? Get over yourself, dude. Nearly hitting someone? Not cool. Go cry in your designer apartment, jerkface. (And by the way, the Dior men's collection? So not cute for you. If you had any sense of style, Avery, you'd be wearing Zegna!)

It looks like the Wings and some other team are going to be playing at Yankee Stadium for the next big "outdoor game". Wow. Um, uniting the Wings and Yankees, two of my top sports hates? Good call, NHL.

Poor Niklas Backstrom. He scored into his own net, but everyone else will score on him for the rest of his career. Sympathies, man.

Sergei Zubov wants to hurry up and play again! The Stars wrote a whole piece about it, as a matter of fact. My favorite parts?

Defenseman Sergei Zubov excels at a lot of things as a professional hockey player.

Unfortunately, waiting around for a bone to heal is not one of them.

Ha! So basically, we're now acknowledging Russian's crankiness in public, huh?

"Even if you miss a couple of games you get frustrated, so imagine two months,” he said. “That's just not good. Honestly I’m sick of it and cannot wait to get back."

Poor Russian. Undoubtedly his days are long and cold, filled with too much chilled vodka and multiple viewings of James Bond films while Iskristiy lurks about the house, occasionally stopping to serve as a footstool for his master's busted foot.

"It's not really my call,” he said. “There is a specialist that is watching me closely. I see him every day, every morning. It's going to be his call when I can take the boot off, but I will try to get there as fast as I can. It as been a long, long time now."

"And furthermore, I have been bribing said specialist, but he won't budge. I hate this stupid boot. As soon as this man fixes my foot, I shall send Iskristiy on an 'errand'. This feels like years. I'd retreat to my Siberian bunker, but it's all snowed in. I hate life right now."

My Informants Are Everywhere

I have to say, I have dear, dear friends.

It's no secret that I feel stuck in the doldrums right now. March hockey? Blows. It blows more than anything that has ever blown before. The Stars have such a lopsided schedule. I'm trying not to be pathetically despondent. It is my deepest urge to rip out my hair, kick something, issue a primal scream and then yell "I HATE HOCKEY RIGHT NOW SO MUCH".

This evening, I went out to dinner with an old, close friend of mine, one who is not into hockey in the slightest. I had a refreshing dinner of no hockey talk in the slightest, which is sort of what I needed at the moment. I needed a break, a respite, a palate cleanser from the utter despair I had felt at looking at our upcoming, break-filled, stacked to the gills with divisional opponents schedule. This particular friend doesn't know Alexander Ovechkin from Khruschev, so that should tell you a lot.

When I got back, I had lots of IMs on my computer from 4 or 5 different people that essentially screamed one thing at me:

"RUSSIAN!"

I was instructed to go to the Stars website, where new Casino Night photos had been posted. "Look, look!" my IMs screamed at me.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I found:

First of all: WIN.

And a few points:

1. He's alive! He's really, really alive!
2. He's ambulatory!
3. My god, is that cameraman going to be okay? I mean...look at the smirk on Russian's face. Look at the cameraman's position. He had to be standing practically ON the card table. Doesn't that smirk say, "I have an alligator and you shall meet him shortly, interloper"?
4. What a suit!
5. HE'S TOTALLY ALIVE!
6. EEEE RUSSIAN! YOU ARE IN PUBLIC!
7. What in the world did they have to bribe him with to get him to willingly dress up, exit the Fortress of Zubovitude and associate with people?
8. How freakin' KGB awesome does he look in that picture?
9. GUYS, RUSSIAN IS ALIVE, HAVE I MENTIONED THAT? WOOOOO!


In short, I love hockey. We miss you, Russian -- please come back soon. (Don't overdo it this time.)

It Could've Happened This Way. Promise

Setting: A hospital room, somewhere in Dallas, with a recuperating patient recently released from surgery. A doctor and nurse are in the room, discussing the surgery in question with the patient.

Doctor: So then, we inserted the screw into this bone here (:points to x-ray) and sewed you back up. You'll be able to go home in about two or three days, and you'll need to keep weight off of it for at least three weeks.

Russian: A screw? You inserted a screw into my foot? This is not what I asked for at all! And where is my alligator?

Nurse: (horrified) What? We don't allow alligators into hospitals, sir!

Doctor: What request are you talking about exactly, Mr. Zubov?

Russian: I told you, just chop the stupid foot off and put a replacement foot on there. (exasperated) Seriously, this is not that difficult. I sent you a memo through the head nurse, and I also specifically requested that my alligator be allowed to come stay with me during my time here. He is leash-trained and everything! I am highly disappointed, doctor.

Doctor: Sir, we can't just put a replacement foot on there. I'm not sure anyone is currently performing...foot transplants. Also, I have no idea where you'd find a "replacement foot".

Russian: Hmph. I'm sure any foot in my size would have done just fine, unless you had gone to Sweden and chopped off Peter Forsberg's.

Nurse: Who?

Russian: Shouldn't you be doing something useful? Like finding my alligator?

Doctor: Mr. Zubov, it's not like feet are growing on trees around here. Plus, you will do just fine as long as you give it the requisite time to heal. You won't be able to skate for a month or so, but you should be mobile and healthy after that!

Russian: Outrageous! This is ridiculous! What is the point of a capitalist society if you can't demand something like this and get it, especially for what I paid you for a simple screw! I could've done that on my own with a bottle of vodka and a Black and Decker drill! Where is that Niskanen kid when I need him? He would've given me one of his feet! And damn it, where is my alligator?

Nurse: We are not bringing an alligator in here, sir. It's unsanitary.

Russian: Oh, don't worry. He doesn't eat nurses. Just cameramen.

Doctor: Nurse, page Dr. Smith. We're going to need a psych evaluation...stat.